There was a place I went thru the last time I was in Puerto Rico.

It took us a couple hours to drive up that mountain but we were almost directly across from el yunque (the rainforest they have there). I just remember sticking my head out the back window and feeling the breeze.  So many tall trees and grass, so green. Random horses and dogs roaming the open fields. Ugh. 

It was so fucking beautiful.

How I wish to be right fucking there right now.

there’s a sadness in me that rattles my bones

lurks the corners of my mind

spills into every thought

and every word

it makes me ache for something i don’t even know exists

so fucking annoyed

and frustrated

and just fucking angry

ugh. i fucking hate being angry, it’s such a fucking waste of time

but i just can’t fucking help it at this point. 


I feel like i’m at a huge crossroads right now. well, not HUGE but it comes with some disappointments so it’s big to me. i just need to pick one and decide on something. meh. 

if i pick one, I disappoint a couple people but not for long, just have to postpone a trip.

But If I pick the other, I disappoint myself and let myself down.

So idk man. idk. I dont like letting people down but i dont like letting myself down either.

On a side note, someone gave my gf & I some suboxone, said it was LSD but he was unsure. gave it to us to try it out and i ended up researching it and finding out it was suboxone…..weird.

what do i do with that….?

Feeling guilty for being antisocial

I wonder….what do the young people do in wonderful Springfield, MA on a friday night…..?


I feel so trapped in different aspects of my life. 

i dont know what to do. i’m so annoyed and so fucking frustrated.

i dont think i’m prepared for the changes that are about to occur in my life in the next couple weeks. :/