Those friends you always invite out and their answer is always no like…

and i’m always just like…

cause i’m always like…

so i just assume everyone else is too…but i understand LEAVING YOUR HOME isn’t everyone’s forte. 

A list of A+ insults

poryqon:

if u R ever in an argument use these insults and u will make the other person cry bc there R so good

  • half eaten sandwich
  • useless fungal infection
  • literal turd burger
  • Netflix® buffer
  • 2003 fergie
  • 5th president James Monroe
  • half chewed pencil
  • The Commonwealth of Pennsylvania
  • absolute white crayon
  • quiet meme thief
  • TI-84 plus Silver Edition™ Calculator by Texas Instruments®
  • diarrhea apocalypse

when people actually go along with my snapchat “conversations”….

I just changed my whole outfit (bra included) while driving 65/70ish mph. I think thats my best record. :o


love-portlandia:

Portlandia season 4 episode 2

Oh

shit.

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

I was playing around with one of our dildos last night. (just putting it in my underwear and pretending to have a penis. :P)

And I left it at the end of my bed last night so i wouldn’t have to get up…

and i dont really remember if I put it away….

or if i left it there…..

but if you walk into my room, it’s the first thing you see.

I hope my mom doesn’t go in my room today.

fuck. 
fuck.
fuck.

lawlz


epic-vines:

First, Let Me Take A Selfie…
Vine by: Christiano Covino

MY FAVORITE “LET ME TAKE A SELFIE!!”